Buy me a Time Machine

I love debt collectors.  They are a funny group of people.

They are hired by debt collection companies and whose sole purpose is to legally harass people to the point where the debtors feel that their only recourse is to rob a bank in order to pay off the debt.  The debt collectors will hound you, your family, friends, employers, acquaintances, and whomever else they think may be remotely associated with you, just to get the company money.

They're like Dawg the Bounty Hunter, but without the cool-looking mullet and reality television crew following them around.  And some of the things they do are illegal (Dawg does some illegal things as well, so scratch that part).

Anyway, when I talk with them, they try to corner me with their logic, but it usually turns out to be a pretty funny situation.  They bring up two arguments which make me laugh: Why did you go into debt when you weren't going to be able to pay it back, and Why did you have so many kids when you can't pay the bills.

Why did you go into debt when you weren't going to be able to pay it back?

This is the most ridiculous argument which they give me.  I mean, come on!  Wasn't the entire marketing scheme during the heyday of credit along the lines of: "Get a [input bank name] credit card today for those times when you need a little extra cash"?

Nowhere in those advertisements was there a warning that you need to make sure that you could pay it off.  The entire marketing focus was to use this WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!

They had an assumption that things would continue on their rosy path, and would never change.  People would continue making tons of money and credit card companies would never experience any sort of economic downturn.  Stupid them.

I usually retort to this argument that they need to talk to the credit approval department as to why they didn't include a fortune teller reading in the credit approval process to make sure that each person would be making enough money to pay it back.  Seriously, when you need a little extra money, you're thinking that things will get better so you can pay them back.  Does it always get better?  No.  There is no guarantee that you will be able to pay it back.

So, why do they ask this question?  It is so that if you make a statement saying that you took out a debt with the intention of not paying it back, it is fraud, and they can take you to court.  It is stupid for them to do.

Why do you have so many kids when you can't pay the bills?

This is a favorite question of mine.  I have five kids, and when debt collectors talk with me, the questions eventually go to the size of my family.  When I tell them that I have five kids, they usually are silent for a few seconds.

Then comes the usual statement (it's either this exact one or a variation of it): You shouldn't have had so many kids.

You know what?  I'll just jump into my time machine and change the past.  I won't have any kids so I will have enough money to pay you back.  Oh, wait.  I probably wouldn't be in debt to you if I didn't have any kids.

What are you, retarded?  Do I have a time machine?  I don't have a time machine.  So how about you buy one for me so I can pay you back.

This is the most incomprehensibly stupid argument I hear from creditors.  There is no logical response for such a stupid argument.  Usually a question about them building me a time machine stops that.  They can't give any sort of response to that, so they switch topics.

When debt collectors make either of those arguments, I make my retorts and laugh at them.  I wonder how they can ask such stupid questions in all seriousness.  Maybe they aren't asking those questions in all seriousness.  Maybe it is a big joke to them just to see how annoyed they can make people.  Maybe they do that to give them a comical break from the difficulty of their job.  Maybe they ask the questions and mute their end of the line and are rolling on the floor laughing.

A guy can hope.

It's Basketball Time!

Well, it's that time of the year when church basketball starts.  It actually starts next week, but I started getting into it last week.  We had our first basketball practice, and let me tell you, I'm WAY out of shape.

Scratch that.  I'm in shape, but not the kind of shape that will last very long playing any kind of sport.

Anyway, we had a practice game with another ward out here, just to help out the referees (most of the refs have little to no experience refereeing, so we played a game to help them hone their skills).  The only problem (well, it was a benefit to me, because I was out of breath) was that the game was stopped several times in order to explain what the refs missed and why it was that way.  It was also to make us aware that they were going to call everything (travel, 3 seconds in the paint, etc).

All Day in the Waiting Area

Let me tell you about my day today:

Today was a VERY long one.  Before I get too far into today, let me backtrack a little bit into yesterday: I went to bed at midnight.  Why?  That doesn't matter (I played basketball until 11p, and I relaxed until I went to bed at midnight).

With that said, let the story continue.

I woke up at 4.30a this morning.  I wanted to get up at 3a so I could make sure that I did all of my morning stuff, but I didn't wake up until 4.30, so I was running severely late.  How late?  Well, we wanted to leave at 4.30a so we could make it to the hospital at 6a.

We needed to be at the hospital at 6a in order to check two of our kids into the Same Day Surgery unit.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well, folks, it's that time of the year.

No, not Christmas, or even New Year's.  Okay, well, it is THAT time of the year, but I'm thinking about something else.

It IS playoff time for the NFL, but that's not the reason why I'm excited (although it is close).  The reason why this is the most wonderful time of the year is because it is time for the NHL!!!

It Might Actually Make Money Online

I'm sure you've read (or heard about) those businesses which claim to make you money online.  Their ads are always around, and they always make outrageous claims.

Then, if you purchase it, you find out that it's pretty crappy.  You find that it is one of two things:

1. You have to build the website from scratch, input the products/services, set the pricing, descriptions, pictures, and everything else.  It will take at least one full month of complete hard work to set up suppliers and get the website fully built.  And after it is built, then you have to start advertising your website in order to drive traffic to it.
2. You are given a cookie-cutter website.  This is a website where you don't have to set up anything.  Everything is already put together for you, but the problem lies in the fact that your website looks exactly like everyone else's who purchased that same problem.  There is absolutely no difference between yours and your competition, so your advertising and marketing efforts will fail in differentiating you from your competition.

It's a "Man"date!

While I was having fun over the Christmas weekend, I was invited to go on a "man"date.

What is a "man"date?  Simply, it is a date for men.  Not a romantic date, with romance, but rather a guys out date--more of a bromance.  It was just to strengthen our bro-bonds.

If this post is too "manly" for you, you can click on another post and wash this testosterone-filled brost (bro-post shortened) out of your hair.  I won't hold it against you, but we may hold your man card until you're ready to become a man again.

Putting Humans to a Good Use

Ah, my excitement runneth over.

I have been waiting for something like this ever since I thought of this invention.  Since I didn't have the physics and chemistry knowledge to ever come up with this, when I read about it, I was SUPER excited!

There is a new multiferroic metal which has recently been created, and it has two properties, magnetic and non-magnetic.

You may be wondering how it can be both magnetic and non-magnetic at the same time.  Well, it's not exactly doing both of those at the same time.  When it is cold, it is non-magnetic (ferromagnetic), and when it is heated up (even a little bit), it becomes highly magnetic.

Interim "Job" for the Unemployed

I had read a few articles months ago about a few companies posting Help Wanted ads with one peculiar requirement for potential job applicants: You must currently be employed.

Today, while in the car, I heard on the radio that there were more companies doing the same thing.  They were requiring potential job applicants to be currently employed before they could apply.

My first thought to that was confusion and anger.  I mean, why would a company want to limit their applicant pool?  Haven't they heard that thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of companies have downsized or even closed up shop?  Haven't they also heard that the amount of jobs created hasn't caught up with the amount of jobs deleted?  Do they think that the only good talent is what is currently employed?  Do they honestly think that only those who have outstanding skills have found employment, while everyone who is not employed does not have skills?  Haven't they heard that it's hard to move because selling your house takes at least a year, and most people cannot afford to pay a mortgage payment and rent, especially when wages have gone down?

Apparently not.

Just Me and My ADD

There are plenty of times when I want to write something, but my mind is moving at a thousand miles per hour, and my fingers move at about 10 miles per hour.  I start writing things down, but by the time I get through my first sentence, my mind has already skipped down the road, and is so far away from what I started thinking about, that I completely forgot what I was first thinking about.

I don't know if that made much sense to you, but it sure did for me... at least I hope it made sense to me.  With that last statement, you are probably asking yourself whether or not I am sane.  Well, I would like to think I am, but it's still under debate.

So, why do I write like this so early in the morning?  Simple: it's because I have been wondering if I have ADD (or ADHD, but since they're pretty similar, symptom-wise, I'll just say ADD).

CPU: A Cash-Back Story

For those of you who have no clue what a CPU is, let me explain.  A CPU is an acronym for Central Processing Unit, which is a main component of computers.  But that is not what CPU means in this instance.  For all intents and purposes for this article, a CPU means Contract Postal Unit.

Really, it does.

That's what it's actually called.  Don't believe me?  Call USPS.  Their number is 1-800-ASK-USPS (you may need to ask around about it, because it's something only for existing businesses, but it is something they offer).  Don't worry.  I won't go anywhere while you call and check on this.  I'll just sit here, waiting patiently, while you show that you don't believe me.

Spudtopia - The Land of Deliciousness!

 Ah, my restaurant.  This was to be one of my greatest achievements, but alas, it costs a lot to open and run a restaurant.  Even one as simple as this.

Anyway, when I served a mission in Spain, I got to eat a lot of good, authentic, Spanish food.  I had several occasions where I got to eat paella (with rabbit and seafood--both delicious!), seafood (loads of shellfish--also delicious!), and many other authentic foods.

While there, I had the opportunity to visit a little shop in Malaga, where I had my first taste of papas.  They were delicious and very simple: they consisted of a one pound potato, stuffed full of a dressing and other things.  My first time was a marisco (seafood) one, which consisted of a Thousand Island-like dressing, corn, baby shrimp, and a few other things (I can't remember all of it, because it was so long ago).

My Extended Delay

Well, it has been almost one week since I have last posted anything.  For you, my loyal readers (note: I may at some point in the not-too-far future refer to you as "my loyal minions."  Feel free to be honored by that title.  If I were you, I would be honored), I want to let you know that I HAVE RETURNED VICTORIOUS!  Allow me to share my story:

My story begins several years ago, when I, the humble, handsome, hard-working (notice how most of the adjectives start with "h"?  I did), and lowly peasant Grog, was given taken captive by the Lord and Lady of the region.

The "I" Word

In the run-up to almost every election year, one of the main topics (especially when the economy is not very strong or when people don't have anything else to complain about) is illegal immigrants, and how they're "stealing our jobs!"

Now, as a point of reference, I believe the complaints brought by those against illegal immigration do have some merit.  I think that because of illegal immigrants, the wages (within the industries which hire illegal immigrants - see Federal Reserve Working Paper) are down significantly from what they could be (why hire someone at full price when you can get someone who will do the same job, with the same quality, at half the price?), and that because of the lower wages, workers who want to obtain a living wage must work more than one job at a time, which means less family time (which increases the probability of delinquent children, btw), and lessens the availability of jobs (if most Americans have to have more than one job to make ends meet, there must be millions more jobs than there are now to accomplish that).

On the flip side, however, there are some benefits we enjoy through illegal immigration.  Lowered food prices is a big one.  When businesses have higher costs (wages are typically the biggest cost that businesses have), they have to charge more to sell their goods (to make a profit, which if a business cannot do, they go out of business).  If they can lower their costs, they can sell their goods at a lower price than their competitors.

And Make Your Flowers Grow

I thought of this game soon after I first heard of the Cow Clicker game.  For those of you who are familiar with the Cow Clicker game (I think it's again working on Facebook), you may think that I'm WAY behind the times since I only heard of that game when NPR did a story on the creator of that game.

The creator talked about why he created the game and what its purpose was, and stuff like that.  I liked the interview, so I wanted to see the game for myself.  But since the cows had already been taken up by the rapture, there was nothing on the screen except for cow shadows.

Anyway, this game would be similar to the Cow Clicker game because it would serve no real purpose, other than to get people to play something when they're bored (that was the reason the creator gave as to why he made the game).  Except for a few differences, it would essentially be the same.

Innovative Cash for Gold Opportunity

As I was listening to news radio yesterday, they were talking about gold scams.  Well, it all started with Utah's legislature, who passed a law stating that gold (and other precious metals) could be used as a form of currency.  The problem, however, was that they didn't really think it through.  The legislature failed to recognize that in order to do that, every business/government office would need scales, experts to show that it really is gold, and a current ticker-tape to show the exact price of gold when they accepted it.

Nice try, Utah legislature.  You were on the path, but you didn't go all the way.

Anyway, they talked about different scams which were cropping up because of this law, and I had a brilliant idea (well, it was more of an innovation): Why not offer a cash for gold business which puts the funds on a debit card?

Task of a Lifetime - well, of the week at least

So on Saturday, I was tasked with a task: Build a lead generation website for a small company.

Taken from vividblurry.com

This will be no ordinary website!  It will be an awesome and amazing website, mainly because I will have built it.  Actually, that's the only reason why it will be so awesome and amazing.  I don't want to sound cocky and narcissistic in saying that, but well, since I am cocky and narcissistic, it's nothing abnormal (lol).

So, the company I'm doing this only offers auto insurance right now, but they're looking to expand into additional areas.  What they do is work with dozens of auto insurance companies, and try to get you the best rate (translation: cheapest insurance).

v1.3 - This time, there are LOADS of changes!

I know that I haven't made a lot of changes to the Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock site lately--or have I?

Anyway, I made a lot of cosmetic changes to make it more streamlined so you don't have to wait for larger images to load, and so that it's easier to understand what you played, what the computer played, and the results.

I am also working on changes to the site itself so it will work much faster than it is now.  So, although it may take a little while, it will be done.  Also, I will be turning this into a Facebook game, so for those of you who want to play this on Facebook and show your friends just how good you are with Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock, just wait a little longer.  It'll come.

Thank you for all of you who have given me suggestions and have played the game.  I would like to get some more feedback, so please shoot me a message (email or Facebook) with more suggestions and other things you would like to see.

Thanks!

This is the Mortgage Help people need!

What happens when you have a giant recession, high unemployment, stagnant wages for those still employed, and financial institutions now willing to work with borrowers?  An increase in mortgage defaults.

 There doesn't seem to be any help for those borrowers.  The government has tried to help with a variety of programs, but the borrowers don't ever get to see them.  Since the borrowers are not seeing any help, they are defaulting and being forced out of their homes through foreclosure.

I had a genius idea a few years back on how to help all parties involved.  Because I did not think of a cool name for it, I will just refer to it as: Mortgage Help (I know, it's a really boring name, but if you have a problem with it, leave a comment with a cooler name):

The Great Zombie-pocolypse!!!

My wife and I let our kids check out some movies from the library recently.  One of the movies that they checked out was "Casper's Scare School."

If any of you are even remotely entertaining the possibility of checking this movie out, don't.  You will lose 2 hours of your time, along with about 30 IQ points.  Seriously.  You will feel your brain turning to sludge (it's a very interesting feeling.  You may want to try it sometime--just to say you've experienced it).

The only good thing which came from it was that my 2 year old occasionally walks around like a zombie.  She also chases the other kids around, saying that she's going to get them.

The image to the left is a representation of what she looks like (well, what she would look like if she were a bald stick person with no face and no discernible features - including hands and feet).  It would be an actual picture, but our camera died on us and even though we were able to get a picture, it was not converted to a usable format, so this is the best you get at this time.

Maybe at a later point in time we'll get an actual picture of it, and you will laugh hysterically.  Really, you will.  She's just like a cute little 2 year old wannabe zombie.

Anyway, she would walk around like that and chase our other kids.  All while loudly growling.  When she catches the other kids, she then laughs and goes after another kid.

We seriously will have to get this on video, because it's really good.

Sharing our First World Problems with Others

In order to allay my sarcastic, cynical, and hopefully humorous nature, I am going to start another "blog."  Okay, so it's really going to be a newspaper/magazine kind of thing.

Now, why in the world would I want to do something like starting another blog, let alone a newspaper/magazine?  Simple: I think it will be fun.

As a little background, I listen to the radio.  Often.  Like all the time, often.  Anyway, there is a program here in Utah called The Nightside Project, which is pretty funny.  They poke fun at a lot of different things, and they have a segment called "First-World Problems."